Why Korea?

Why Korea? - I don't know. Maybe it's too many Korean movies. I just want to experience life there Fears - I don't know if I will make a good teacher - I don't know if I will get it through the year - I don't know what will happen if I don't get through the year or regret halfway - I'm scared that it's a wrong decision n I would have wasted time - even if it just 1 yr or 2 yrs I'm afraid it's a wrong decision. Then what? I'm not young anymore. What am I going to do if Korea is not it? - I would have to start all over again. I've made so many decisions that caused me to lag behind everyone else already. -> acting -> going to Aus -> then back again -> then to aus again That was a total of almost 8 yrs wasted Then finally got it to advertising and doing well. Then I decide to do college. N again I'm in a mess. Why college? - I had been curious about it for years. 4 years or more. - thought God called me to college - had a burning desire to know more -> history of the church n etc that I had learnt in evening college. - what I learnt fr evening college was good to share. Helped me to give better perspectives when teaching discovery - thought that it was something I would want to move into. But going into college showed me wrong. Everyone else in there had more theology than I did! Everyone in there was a better Christian than I!! -> I felt useless -> I felt worthless -> I felt unqualified What did I like bout teaching discovery? - debunking all the myths n hearsays Eg God is good but only to some God does bad things too Tongues is not for all Why back to Singapore? Why productions? - productions cos of the conversations I had with Zon. I wanted to impact people. Maybe not evangelize outright but I wanted to be in a space where I could tell people bout Jesus. Especially the wrong that they've heard bout Christianity - I still longed to be on tv. There were roles I wanted to play. I tot maybe I could both produce and act. Cos many said I should come back n that the new actors were crap Why waver now? - cos I don't have the confidence. I don't think I am as good as the new actors. I don't have the "practice" that they have now - the process of "hunting" for work, going for casting etc is tedious, hard and I don't like it. I want an agent to represent me but no one is interested to. No one sees value in me. -> causes me to get depressed cos makes me feel like I have no value - I'm starting from scratch again and I am not willing to. - yet I don't have the necessary experience to be a producer right off. I know I have the ability to project manage. But I don't have enough experience to carry out a project without first being an assistant - I don't like the freelance part of it where I don't know when the next cheque would come - I don't like the hunting for jobs - I love being on set but I don't like the heat rash I get from being in non air con places What bout advertising? Would u consider returning? - yes. Cos logically it is the most stable. N I am already somewhere But.... - but I don't know whether to stay in Sg or to return to Aus. - I don't know if I could find a job here that I like cos of how Singaporeans are. Right now where are you leaning towards? - productions only if it's with mm2 - otherwise it's pretty much Korea - I see myself living there, out if touch with everything. N not getting bothered by anyone No comparison, no envy, no jealousy, no coveting - mayb n hopefully I get to find a church there that I can contribute to. Be it teaching them to be better at their English or knowing Christ better. I wana make a difference to people's lives. No. I want people to do the right thing no think that starting from young is a good idea I think that the environment in Korea allows for more compassion than in SG. BUT.... But I cant go around wanting people to do the right thing. Only those who are willing to, those who want to... then they might be willing to learn and do the right thing. The church thing is really a draw card. NCC, doesnt have the platform for me to do what I want to do - teach discovery. Correct wrong mindsets. Whether it is productions, teaching, volunteering, living my life etc, the backbone of everything is to correct mindsets. Whether it is mindsets about the world or about Jesus, morality, ethically. I enjoyed AKLTG cos I got to set the rules. Even if it was just within the camps - not just the students had to follow the rules, but the coaches and trainers had to as well. It made me feel good. Cos rules were followed, we were teaching the right thing and most of all, I played a part to influence that. I think those years were one of the most difficult where I kept falling sick and worked late nights and hours. But I chose to do it, not cos of money but cos I felt there was a need. Kids learn from examples. And I wanted the best examples set. They kept saying its not about right or wrong. But it is. There is a core part of it that IS about right or wrong. It is not right to be selfish! Although I"m not asking people to let themselves be door mat. Then again if we look at it from a holistic perspective, if everyone were selfless, why would anyone be a door mat? Cos there wont be anyone to take advantage of the person.