Exercise and food

I still haven't quite adjusted to the food here in Singapore and needless to say my eating habits. 

Even exercise is different too. I can't just go for a nice cool run like how I used to. It's way too humid. I would have to put in extra effort to either wake early before the sun is up to run or to do it late at night when the warmth of the day has dissipated. 

But there were exercises that I used to do in my room that I couldn't do in Australia. Seems like those are my choices right now. Whatever it is, I know God will help me eat right and exercise right so I will have a strong and healthy body. That's what makes me feel good and when I feel good I am also less cranky. 

Sabbath

Was listening to Joseph prince and he was talking bout Sabbath. How we need to rest. And how when we dedicate that rest time to God, He will bless us! 

When he started talking bout resting the land for the year and taking a sabbath vacation himself, suddenly it struck me. 

It's not all that exact. But I've been in Australia almost 7 years. Arrived early may 2007. Come end April 2014, it would be the end of my 7th year. 

God says that when we take a Sabbath to honour Him, He will look after us and bless us greatly so we will be able to feed in our 7th & 8th year. 

It suddenly dawned on me that that was what seemed to have happened to me. Although I won't say that I have enough to sustain me through to my 8th year. 

It was in my 6th year that I joined Carat. Seemed like whatever was taken from me was given back to me - the pay cuts and privileges that I wanted but didn't get. 

Now looking at it, I have been given more than enough to rest during the 7th year. 

No doubts I made foolish expenditures like the 2 facial packages I bought, causing me stress and frustrations. 

But I trust that God will help me sort that out and sell off the packages. I just have to list it. 

I also need to forgive myself for the decisions I made. 

Oh help me Lord! 

Production work

Being on the film set is exciting. I love it. 

At the same time, perhaps the first role I got is really gruesome, given that I just returned from Australia and know nothing and have no connections.   

Auatralia is really a place where my life is comfortable. 

In some ways I am upset with God for taking me out of my comfort zone. 

But I do love production. Perhaps working with mob is a good choice. Cos it's production work but in shorter timeframes. 

I would like to produce some short films. However, what is the purpose of it? I have not figured it out. 

It's too short to be a movie. But too long to be an ad. Just seems like peeps who don't seem to have enough juice n budget producing something just to get people's attention. 

I don't know. 

I really don't know anymore. 

God gives a picture but not the details. How I wish I knew the details. 

:(

Relieved

As much as I like being in front of the camera, I'm really glad that I'm done with the shoot. 

Perhaps cos I am not the lead and having done major roles before, I'm no longer used to being at the beck n call of others, working to other's schedule. 

Or perhaps it's just not my cup of tea. Or perhaps I have too high expectations of people. 

Or perhaps it's just the way Singaporeans are. 

Yes I still yearn to be in front of the camera. That I don't deny. But there's a lot that I really don't want to put up with. 

1. Negotiations of my price 

2. Managing my time

3. Hunting for suitable roles to cast for - I want people to think of me or proposed me for the role and then cast if there's a need to

I don't mind working hard for the audition. I don't mind going for many auditions to learn and grow. But I don't want to hunt for auditions to attend. 

So perhaps that's all that I have for acting. Until and unless all these other factors can be fulfilled by someone else. 

God's weakness

Today.... I discovered something bout God. 

The Almighty one... My Creator! 

I don't know if the term weakness is appropriate. But that's how I saw it. N I guess that's how distrust toward Him formed. 

My disappointments in relationships after Toulia is not cos of the persons themselves. But my distrust of God. I've been testing Him, to see if He is really that Almighty and having everything under His control. 

Cos in the case of Toulia, He didn't. 

Either that, or He didn't care enough about my plea or that I had begged that THAT relationship (whether it was Toulia or someone else) be the very last one. I didn't want another heartache. Yet either He was not powerful enough to keep me away from it or He didn't care enough to stop it all from happening. 

That's how I had thought about my Lord God all these time. 

I only found out today. 

Cos the hurts and disappointments of the previous relationships still hurt bad. But I realised it isn't the one with Jason, or Bjorn or David or Philips that caused me that much pain. 

Yes the negative experiences and disappointments hurt. But not so much that I can't let them go. 

It all started with Toulia. 

That's when I has trusted God and believed that He had someone for me. That Toulia was whom He had for me. Not just cos I asked and listened and obeyed. But cos I believed I had confirmation. 

But if Judges 2:19 were real, then is God still testing me? To see if I would continue to trust Him? Is that why so many of my prayers are still unanswered? Especially about relationships. 

It must have all happened then. N God had to slowly lift me back up - to have faith in Him again, to trust Him again; that He loves me and therefor have great plans for me and hears my prayers and have prepared the way for me. 

Carat was the first to show me He was still there for me. Just like back in 2003 when He cleared my debt miraculously. And the houses in 2007 & 2008. 

Slowly He had to show me once again that I could trust Him with my heart. And that He has someone who will love me just as I need him to. Step by step, bit by bit He puts tests out for me, so that I can pass them, so that my trust in Him can grow. 

I don't know where this all coming from but I believe that it is from God. How can such absurb things come from my mouth? How ridiculous this all sounds - God's weaknesses. 

How can the Almighty God have any weakness? 

It's actually His love for us. It's not His weakness but His love. He doesn't want us to do anything that we don't want to. That's why He doesn't control us. That's why He have us free will. But cos of that it comes across to many that He is weak. Cos it seems like He is not in control. That His plans get thwarted just cos of some human. 

But our God is so great that even prophets can't describe Him. Cos it's not like He has a plan a b or c. But that no matter who disobeys Him, no matter how long it takes, He is always able to get His way, in His way! 

His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. His ways are bigger than our ways. 

What I see as a failure cos of how the world has taught me to view it, God doesn't see it as failure. 

Praise God for His wisdom. Praise God for His enduring love. Praise God for His compassion & forgiveness. Praise God for holding on to me, for seeking me out and never letting go when I get lost and tempted and get stubborn in my ways. 

Somehow I feel lighter now. Thank You Lord for the revelation. Not bout Yiur weaknesses but about where I got stuck and for getting me unstuck and being able to hold on to Your promises and trust You!