Resolve

Having found out and read my personality profile, this time, I think it is the most accurate - ISFJ. None other profiles have better described me in such a way that I could relate so well to the emotions described in the profile. Unfortunately that's like 14% of the world population. Which actually means many people should understand me yet they dont. 

 After reading the profile, and the hoo-has that has happened with AGS, plus that weirdo that pm me; I've decided that I am not going to take things so personal. I am going to take a step back and just let go. If I let everything bother me, it will kill me one day. I guess the profile has just enlarged it and placed it right smack in my face. I really like being happy. 

But trying to control everyone around me, especially my loved ones - how they think, what they do, what they value (or not).... and trying to get everyone to do the RIGHT thing... it just exhausts me. Enough is enough. I want to be God's star student, but I think I want to keep my sanity and health above all things - I guess like what Jesus said - Keep my Peace... Things that are unrelated, absurd, uncontrollable, I'm not to deal with it. 

I just want to focus on the things I like. e.g. Hanging out with my friends and their kids (sandra & michelle), hanging out with my CG, serving at Visual Arts, Going on holidays, capturing beautiful moments with my camera, and just enjoying the life that God has given me. 

 Yes, often I feel as though my life has been hard. But when I really look at it, God has blessed me heaps. There are things that I dont have right now - money, husband, children. But they are probably things that God knows I am unable to deal with right now. I still miss him. But I know that I will soon forget him. without him, I will still learn how to enjoy the beautiful moments of life - the sunsets, sunrises, kodak moments ... just the creation that God made. I know I am worthy of love. And God has someone for me. And it is not my fault, or the fault of any of the guys that I dated, that I have been so hurt. Its just me. I take relationships seriously. It was just a bad match. Although there are times when I wished that things could be different, so I dont have to feel the pain of loss, I know it is not their fault. One day, I will meet someone who will treasure me. Someone whom will appreciate the loyalty and fierce devotion my character and personality brings. 

 For now, its chill time. Doesnt matter if I am where God wants me. He will take me there. But I have to enjoy the journey, otherwise, life will just pass so quickly. I have made friends from all over the world. And although they cannot be with me all the time, but at least I have them as my friends- to love, to care for & be loved by them. 

I tink the phrase Life is a Journey is taking more meaning in my life now.