When I needed help n support, she left me to fend for myself. If not for the grace of God I don't think I would have been able to grasp what's to be done nor the wisdom n favour to do what needed to be done.
N to hear that her said she doesn't have any intention to speak to me about the matter unless I was going to listen to her and what she had to say, I feel judged. I feel like my freedom if speech was taken away. As though I had no rights to be angry or upset with the way things were, with my brothers behavior.
As though I were the one who was wrong. As though my opinion, my story, my feelings didn't matter.
I feel abandoned. Again.
There's no love and support from my family. Not the way I needed it or expected it.
Why did I return God? Once again, remind me why I returned?
I cannot fault my sis for feeling upset. Not can I force her to change her ways. However I cannot play along and chat with her as though nothing happened either.
At least with my parents, I have voiced my hurts n feel that I have been heard. Yes my parents cannot fulfill my expectations as the parents I thought them to be. N yes I was hurt n disappointed. But I have voiced it out.
It is all clear out there in ur air already.
But with my sis. It isn't. N I feel so fake caring for her, speaking to her as though nothing happened. There's a gap, a wall. N I don't like it.
But I don't know what to do. I do not wish to speak to her right now. I do not know if it is the right thing. But I do know they lashing out at her is wrong. N I will not do that.
Yet I feel I should communicate my state to her. But I do not know what to say.
Lord give me wisdom.
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