How involved should 1 be in this world?

We are in this world for a reason. After searching for years, I still cannot find that reason. Even though I am believer of Christ, I know Jesus, I have accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour, I still dont know the reason for my life on this earth. I am still selfish. I still want things. I still have not surrendered myself and my dreams to God. So how long more will I fight that? What I want, I do not find. What I ask, I do not get. I see everyone else getting what they want. What about me? We Christians say that it is not about us. Then who is it about? If we are not meant to enjoy this world, then why exist? Why not die? I get so angry interacting with some people that I really hate them. After hearing Mary, after experiencing whatever that happened between Megan and Liyen, I wonder what is the Truth? How is life supposed to be? Are we Christians just using God as a poor excuse when we do not get what we want? To "submit" to God when we do not get what we want and to say that God's in control and if we do not have it yet, then its not His will for us! So what IS right and what is wrong?! What should we have and what shouldnt we have? Why has college so messed me up? Everyone else seems to have benefitted from going to college. But me... I seemed to have been messed up! There so much hate and anger that's coming out from me. I miss the days that I am not angry. Like after breaking up with Toulia. Like when at Mitchells. I saw God's blessings and I got everything that I wanted, aside from a husband. Which now, I am no longer interested in anyways. After all the experiences with Phillips, Bjorn, Hector and Jason, I've had it. I'm just exhausted. Every time I give my heart 100% and what do I get in return? Nothing. Literally nothing. It got taken whole and returned shattered. Then there's that whole list of things that we should or should not do. I hate this world! So, do we interact with the world or should we just hide in our caves until our death bed? what do we do? I wish someone would tell me.