N in the recent years, I do what I believe is right n with peace in my heart, I believe it's a sign from God.
I really don't know what to do now.
I really wana do media n production but there aren't any doors opening.
I thought MA was the answer to my finances while I "dabble" in the arts. But even that is not moving either!
So what went wrong? Did I hear wrongly?! Did I make it all up?! Then y do I have no peace to return to Aus where life is heaps better?! I have more friends there than I do here. People to turn to to encourage me.
Here I am listening to my mom'a negativity daily. It's killing me. Like today. What's up with her man.
Not living with her would be easier to deal with it. But I don't have a choice. I can look for rent outside. But that's expenses again.
Although that would mean I do not give mom her monthly stipend.
Now with the role that Doreen spoke of, it is definitely more exciting than same old advertising. But it's definitely gona pay less. So... Does money bother me?
Yes I wana be able to spent. I wana go on trips. Holidays. Etc. But I do not think that I would want to go back to advertising just so that I can do that. My heart is really not in there. I would be dragging my feet.
As for Lincoln n his 5D... That's just bullshit. Nonsense. Yes the draw of a commissioned sales is great but I still need money in this time. Vern designs and can earn from designing. I don't. Mine is management n marketing. How to do that?
God hasn't quite opened up other avenues of providing finance either. So what do I do?
And now Sandra wants to butt her head in and talk to me bout stuff. I know she's protective of her sis. And I hope that this is also cos she's protective of me.
Regardless I do hope I get to clear my head. I don't like the space I am in.
I want a job that I will enjoy. A job with Flexibility. I don't have to go in to office at 9am and work till 5pm. I can go in later if needed and stay late if required.
More importantly, I want a job that allows me to travel. Move around. Pays for that travel too. I hate to be stuck in the office!
Thinking back, if I didn't spend so rashly, I would have at least $45k in savings already. Being in debt twice over $15k and finishing up a savings of I think $10-15k.
Damn it!
And again. I had bout $30k. Which would have become $45k by now if not for college. Not only did I stop earning but I has to use $5k on fees too.
Yes God provided for my daily living. But that's not what I want!!
Why doesn't He ask me first what I want?!
Why does He just throw me toward what He has planned for me! And if I don't like it n don't wana go for it He closes the doors!
I hate Him for that!
After all this ranting I am still unclear what next.
Am I such a short term person?!
Why can't I see far?
I guess if I could see far, the little things of today would not matter any longer.
No comments:
Post a Comment