To work or not to work?

Its a huge dilemma I face. To wait for the opportunity that God promised or to focus on what I needed -> which were finances. 

Seems like being in the media, regardless of production or acting, there's instability of income. Can I deal with that? 

Given the financial situations at home, and my past experience, I really do not wish to get into debt again. 

However, unless I get something that's hefty by end May, I don't really have a choice but to go back to the workforce. A workforce that has a stable pay. 

But I do not intend, do not wish to work full time for someone else. I wana do what I like/enjoy! And I love taking potos. Less so videos. But that is still ok. 

I remember back in 2002 when I went to Hk with dad and had my video camera with me and was filming and commenting on everything. 

So what do I do? 

I seem to have much yet I have nothing! Everything is stuck. 

My apartment in Australia is stuck. It hasn't risen sufficiently for me to sell and buy another. The rent I am collecting is also stuck cos my previous agent didn't do a good job to negotiate a better rate. 

I want a house. Fully paid up. 

Watching Homeland season 3 and how the CIA is destroying Carrie, and how depressed she is. And Brody's daughter and what she's going through... Life sure is depressing. 

Good to know that at the end of the day, it was but all an act. 

What bout my life? Which part of it is an act? 

The things that i think I heard from God, how real are they? Did I hear right? Or did I make it up to glorify myself? 

I want the convenience of being able to go downstairs to my car to drive out to buy whatever I need whenever I want. 

I don't want to have to worry bout waking up early to go to work. But I wake up cos I want to, cos it's a project or I wana exercise etc. 

I want to be able to travel to places that I've never been to, see things I've never seen. 

How do I do that? 

A travel blogger? Can that work? 

A travel food blogger? 

But I do not think that I write well. So what do I do?! 

😢

Help! 

I guess what I need to do is to at least start the blog. And after that I can do whatever else I wana do. 

I just need to focus and make sure that I can do the reels well. 

The rest.... God's favour!

Oh Lord help me!