Being tested

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands." - Deuteronomy 8:2

Has God performed a heart test on you lately? There are times in our lives when God leads us into the desert in order to let us find out what is in our heart. These times can be very difficult and humbling. They can test our mettle like no other time. Desert times often mean we are living without those things we are normally accustomed to: water, food, limited supplies - and with few comforts. In modern terms, it may mean a different environment. God is performing a very important work during these times. He wants to know if we can be obedient to Him in these times; or will we be obedient only when times are good?

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you" (Deuteronomy 8:3-5).

These desert times may mean experiencing new ways of provision from the Lord. Like manna from Heaven, it may mean seeing miracles we've never seen before. Like clothing that never wears out, it may mean seeing your normal capabilities expanded. Like walking hundreds of miles without pain, desert experiences provide new lessons and new experiences that only these times can teach us.

What desert experience has He brought into your life lately? Perhaps it is a lean time in business. Perhaps it is a new environment. Whatever it is, when God decides to bring new disciplines into our lives by bringing us into the desert, do not fear the heat that is sure to come. He is walking beside you in order to test you and find out what is really in your heart. Ask for His grace to pass the test. He wants to bring all of His children into the Promised Land.

I think this devotional that I read today is true of my situation. Now that the moment has passed or is passing, I can see that I was being tested on my obedience, to show what was in my heart. 

The dessert I had to endure when I first came back - the changes I had to deal with, the closed doors, the failed relationship. I really felt like God abandoned me. 

Until He showed me my heart - what I was chasing -> showbiz n game. That I knew I was being disobedient and unfaithful. 

It still is a challenge. I still yearn for that fame n glory and the "hopes" that it can bring me a better life. 

It's still a challenge daily to be obedient and honor my parents. To sit tight and patiently n expectantly wait for God to deliver His promises. Just like He promised the people of Israel when He took them out of Egypt. 

I was taken out of Egypt. But I didn't know I was going to be tested. 

Now everything seems to fall into place. 

2 -3 years ago I remember the Holy Spirit gently reminding me NOT to grumble like how the Israelites did. And I asked God to help me not to do that. But for the lady few months I know that was what I did. 

And several times I felt like the Israelites, complaining against God, wishing to be back in Egypt cos things were better there. 

Yes things were better in Australia. I had a better paid job. The weather was better. People were nicer and I had more support. 

But that was not God's promise to me. I was settling for second best. How could I not have seen it?! 

When I lost Jason, when the relationship collapsed, I whinged and cried. I was like the Israelites. 

I felt like Joseph in the pit. But I'm sure he didn't feel like me. I'm sure he had more faith than I did. Such that he was able to finally say to those who hurt him that though they meant to hurt him, he knew that God meant it for greater things and he forgave them. 

Will I ever be able to do that? 

Will I ever be able to say to those who hurt me over the years - my parents, siblings, ex bfs, people I gave my heart to and friends I cared about deeply; that no matter what they had intended for me, God had bigger plans and it all put me in a better place?!

I want to. Not cos it sounds like a nice idea but I really really want to, deep down in my heart! I want to be able to praise God. Not just in the good times but especially in the bad. 

Not to put on a show, but because God is really so good! 

I want to be able to say "my God has not forsaken me even though it all looks like it". Jesus trusted in God even though He asked God why He had forsaken Him. He knew why God turned His back on Him. 

But because God turned His back on Jesus, now He wouldn't turn His back on me! Cos Christ had paid the price! We can't pay it twice. It's silly!

I praise God for the sacrifice that He sent. I thank Jesus for the obedience He had! 

Oh Holy Spirit, fill me with Your word. Keep God's promises constantly alive in my heart, my soul and my mind! I thank You in Jesus' name. Amen!