Dilemma

Every time I am with the production team, I feel a rush of emotions. I really wana be one of the actress in the production or perhaps involved in the production as a producer or assistant to the producer. 

But whenever I look at my bank account, I look at what I want in the long term, i can't see a fit between the two. 

I am not willing to give up and slog any more. I want to earn at least $10k a month. Be able to go on holidays that are not budget and visit places I like. 

The thoughts just keep coming. 

Even if I get 1 endorsement that would fulfill my financial quota for the year, how many can I get yearly and till when? 

I am not even close to what any of the actresses in Singapore make. What makes me think I can do it again? 

Brenda made me really happy telling me I did well in the Wacky Mouth series. However, having watched the video, I know I am nowhere there. Perhaps it is the production - it didn't compliment me cos the director wasn't good enough. Or perhaps it's just me. I am actually not as good as I tink I am. 

God... I don't know how to marry the 2 desires. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel to stay as a freelance producer. 

I want my house paid off n I want another house in sg. A condo. 

I don't know bout a house in Aus - whether I should sell it or not. 

People say to keep it if I am returning. But I don't know when I'll return. Am I keeping a white elephant? How much more would the property price rise? 

Help me God. So many decisions. How do I make the calculations?