But it's after receiving the bad report that my body feels bad. Getting weird smells n cramps when it shouldn't.
I don't know what to feel or do. I'm going with the flow and going for the necessary check ups.
I only know that I don't have much of a will to live. If I were that sick, I won't go for chemo if it can't be dealt with with removing the cells. I'm not sure if I'll take medication either.
But I do know that regardless, there are things I wana do. If I can lose weight cos do taking the medication that would be awesome. Cos I would still wana look good even when I'm sick.
I do hope that God would grant me my wish to be on the big movie screen and other dramas that I wanted to do.
Till then, I guess I would just have to live my life and do the best I can for whatever I am passionate about.
Maybe this is God teaching me to live life to the fullest, not to hold back n worry.
I don't think I'll let mom n dad know if I were really sick. What's the point.
N I won't strive hard for treatment too cos I would rather take that money and go for a holiday. Enjoy myself. I have nothing anyways. Not like there's a family for me to live for, or someone who loves me or whom I love.
If I were to pass on, I just want my family to live comfortably.
I want whomever I come in contact with to live better. To go for their dreams. To live well and to know God.
I don't know if I should pray for healing or accept it as my fate. Cervix cancer is fast I suppose?
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